Langbahn Team – Weltmeisterschaft

Wikipedia:Peer review/Leon S. Kennedy/archive1


I am listing this for peer review since I am planning to send this article to FAC. However, there are a lot of issues at reception section that I might need help. Thanks!

Aoba47

  • This part, Leon is a rookie police officer who arrives in the doomed Raccoon City, seems a tad repetitive as the earlier sentence had already said that the character was redesigned as a young rookie. I believe that you could cut this sentence down to say the following instead: During the events of Resident Evil 2, Leon arrives in the doomed Raccoon City late for his first day on the job and is confronted by a zombie outbreak.
 Done
  • For this part, in the CG animated films, I would link CG instead as I could see more readers being unfamiliar with or confused about that acronym as opposed to the concept of animated films. Also, why is CG only brought up in the lead and not in the article? I would be consistent with this.
 Done
  • This sentence seems a tad repetitive: Video game publications have described Leon as among the most popular and iconic video game characters, and he ranks consistently as a fan favorite character of the franchise. I do not think that the part about him being a fan-favorite character is necessary when he is already identified as one of the most popular and iconic characters of all time.
Removed
  • I am not sure about the wording for this part, which also further enhanced his sex appeal, as it seems to more so say this as an objective fact in Wikipedia's voice rather than as an opinion from critics. I think something like this, praised as further enhancing his sex appeal, would make the connection more clearer.
 Done
  • I was interested in reading more about this sentence from the lead, However, he was criticized due to his continuous journey to save the President's daughter, Ashley Graham, in Resident Evil 4 (2005)., but this is seemingly only discussed in a single sentence about Anita Sarkeesian. I do not think that is enough to justify an inclusion in the lead, which seemingly presents it as a larger point of criticism. Unless there is further coverage on this, I would remove it from the lead. I would also clarify what is meant by this in the sentence in the article itself, which I think it is unclear.
Would that be okay without negative reviews at lead? I couldn't find any criticism or negative reviews about him sadly. The only criticism is by Anita only so far from her video. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 23:21, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
The lead should be an overview of the article. Highlighting this one criticism from this one source in the lead gives it undue weight. Sometimes, there is just not enough negative coverage to include in the lead. A source should not be given undue weight in the lead in an attempt to compensate for that. So, yes, it would be okay. Aoba47 (talk) 23:33, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, I see. Would you mind checking Claire Redfield lead if it is fine for you? (Its FA already, but I need to make sure to avoid any potential issues) 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 23:41, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
I would have the same issue there, but FAC reviewers seemed okay with it so I think that it is okay. I could see cases where pointing out a specific critic or a specific quote in a lead can be helpful. I just find this particular instance here to be a bit misleading as it makes it seem like this was a larger point of criticism than it actually was if that makes any sense. You could also leave this in the lead, and see what other reviewers, either here or in the FAC, have to say about it, as I could very well just be over-thinking it. Aoba47 (talk) 23:57, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Hmm. I see. Thanks! Ill work on this article slowly now. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 23:59, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  • The article cites multiple critics as praising Leon's romance with Ada. Would that be notable enough to mention in the lead?
 Done
  • Resident Evil should be linked in this part, and the first Resident Evil game, as it is the first time the game is mentioned.
 Done
  • Apologies in advance for being super nitpick-y with this one, but I think that this part, was surprised at how popular Leon had become, could be made slightly more concise by saying, was surprised by Leon's popularity. I have a similar comment for trimming a documentary explaining the conception of the game's characters down to a documentary about the game's characters.
 Done
  • I am not entirely sure what this sentence means, Leon's eventual inclusion led to making his story more horror-based than those of the rest of the cast and gave a sense of incompleteness, as players would need to choose the other protagonists to understand it., as comparisons are being made to other characters and the tone for their stories without clearly defining what either are.
I decided to remove it. Dropping the content here in case you find it worthy to add. It says With Leon, we have that gothic, classic Resident Evil-style horror; with Chris, it's more like a horror of the battlefield with his group. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 12:10, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  • This sentence, The design for his Chinese outfit is blue and is meant to give an air of stylishness that contrasts with Chris' military equipment., seems rather abrupt and random. It has good information, but information like Leon having a "Chinese outfit" is brought up without any context or connection so it comes across as confusing, at least to me.
I'm not really sure about this, but I added it and turned it into His initial design is meant to be that of a civilian, while his Chinese outfit is blue and is meant to give an air of stylishness that contrasts with Chris' military equipment. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 12:22, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would use a different link for voiced. The voice acting article would seem like a better target than linking to the article on speech in general. I am not sure a link is necessary for this, but if it is kept, the target should be changed to something more specific.
Removed the link
  • The lead describes Eduard Badaluta as a Romanian model, while the article only calls him a model. I would be consistently with the descriptions.
 Done
  • Any further information on who voiced Leon in Japanese versions of the game?
Can't add others due to source issue, but added most of the games that Toshiyuki Morikawa voiced. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 13:18, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

I hope that these comments are helpful. I have read up to the "Appearances" section, but I wanted to stop here for today. Best of luck with the peer review and the future FAC! Aoba47 (talk) 15:45, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

  • I have noticed some tense issues in the plot summary. From my understanding, the information should be in the present tense, but I am noticing some spots that are in the past tense. Some examples of this are the following: They later teamed up and arrived at the Umbrella underground facility called NEST to find G-virus. Leon's history with Krauser was explored in Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles (2009)., The two located and kill Javier, another bioweapons attack happened and the President who turned into zombie was later killed by Leon, and Leon, Helena, and Ada later defeated Simmons. I would recommend reading through the plot summary as a whole to check for this.
Kawnhr If you have a moment to do with tense stuff? I am having hard time about rewording it as a non-native person. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 13:32, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed — Kawnhr (talk) 19:04, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks! 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 19:13, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would be mindful of over-using "later" in the plot summary. There are a few spots where it is used twice in close proximity, which makes the prose feel a bit repetitive.
removed
  • For this part, demands Leon give her the G-virus sample before she falls to her death, I would say something like seemingly falls to her death to avoid saying she dies only to turn around in the next sentence and say that she is fine. With that, I would change Ada, who survived the fall, tosses Leon to something like Ada reappears and tosses Leon. It could just be a matter of personal preference though.
 Done
  • For this part, While the game has four player characters with different storylines, Leon was described as the "main character"., I would attribute who is saying this quote in the prose.
 Done
  • I think the prose in the following sentence could be improved: Set in 2013, before the President of the United States can expose what happened in the Raccoon City, another bioweapons attack happened and the President who turned into zombie was later killed by Leon. I get what you mean, but I think the information can be presented in a better way. That and the "set in 2013" part sounds odd as it is connected to "another bioweapons attack", and I generally do not think of an attack like that as being set in a specific year.
Rewrote the RE6 summary. Beyond reading better (I hope!), it now also says more about Leon's story. — Kawnhr (talk) 19:03, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would suggest renaming the "In the Resident Evil games" subsection to "In the Resident Evil series" instead and moving the non-canonical games to the later subsection, which I would rename to "Other appearances". This is done for both Jill Valentine and Claire Redfield. I just think that it is helpful to provide a clear divide between canon and non-canon appearances.
 Done Hey Kawnhr, just letting you know about this =) 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 03:04, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is there plot information for Resident Evil Gaiden that would be worth briefly including? This is not relevant to this review, but I think that this game looks interesting, particularly its switch in perspectives for different points in the gameplay. I have a similar question for the animated films? It just seems like a lot of these appearances are being glossed over without any real context. I would think that some brief plot information would be helpful. That and it would avoid this section reading like a list.
 Done
 Done
  • I think for this part, is referenced by a robot dressed as Leon in Astro Bot, you mean with instead of by, except if the robot literally talks about Leon and references him beyond the costume.
Replaced into "as"
  • I will read the "Critical reception" section in more depth sometime later in the week, but I am wondering if some of the larger overview sentences could be briefly fleshed out more. Like what made Leon so popular and iconic? Why is he considered so likable? What about his romance with Ada was so memorable? Just be clear, I am meaning that it might be helpful to add like one or two things at most to just bolster this information for readers.
Attempted
  • Again, I have not read this section in-depth yet, but the transitions between topics here is rather jarring, particularly going from praising his hair to criticizing him having to save Ashley all the time. It is important for the prose to be cohesive.
Attempted

Here are some further comments. I will take a short break from this article tomorrow. I have some brief comments about the "Critical reception" section, but I will read through that section more thoroughly and provide comments later in the week if that is okay with you. Aoba47 (talk) 02:56, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks for this review! No rush, you can take a break whatever you wanted since our health is more important. Will work in this slowly. Thanks! 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 03:01, 9 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the kind words. Take as much time as you need. Ping me when you have addressed everything, and I will come back to review the reception section. I think that I will take a small break from Wikipedia over the next few days to just recharge and avoid burning myself out as I have done several reviews lately. I hope you are having a great end to your week. I cannot believe it is almost the weekend already. Aoba47 (talk) 03:44, 10 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Aoba47 Thank you! btw, I already finished, but the prose in the reception section is still bad; I probably need some advice/suggestions here. Anyway, no rush though, take a break first. Thanks! 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 11:58, 10 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  • While the "Critical reception" has a lot of great information and sources, I think it would benefit from extensive rewriting and revision, specifically with better organizing and fleshing out the different topics. I would avoid having a one-sentence paragraph, and I would try to find a way to make things more cohesive and flow better. An example of the latter point is how the prose goes from talking about Leon's hair to an academic analysis on his hypermasculinity. The beginning of the first paragraph starts off well, but it becomes more and more disconnected as it goes along.
  • I would encourage you to avoid the "with X verb-ing" sentence construction as it is frequently pointed out as a negative in FACs. I have noticed instances of this being added to this section so I would revise that out.
  • This part, Game publications, including Guinness World Records, does not really make sense as the Guinness World Records is not a publication that focuses exclusively on video games like the prose is claiming.
  • I would avoid one-word quotes, such as "star". I think the GamesRadar+ articles are more so praising Leon's resilience and his ability to handle various crises throughout the series, which I feel provides more context to this than the quote.
  • This part, with Polygon's Harri Chan praising them for complimenting the "schlocky action-movie energy" of Resident Evil 4, does not really make sense in its current placement. It is paired in a sentence about Leon's relationship with Ada, but the quote is complimenting how Ada, Leon, and Krauser fit in with this "schlocky action-movie energy" and has nothing to do with the romance. When Chan does discuss the romance, she seems more negative about it, criticizing it is the only character development given for Ada in the game.
  • Leon's hair is a good topic for discussion, as it is brought up in multiple sources, but I think that it could be better integrated and discussed in this section. The with Phil Hayton of PCGamesN lauding its graphics part does not really help much in my opinion. From what I have read in the sources, the focus seemed to be more on his haircut being bad or weird.
  • I have a few concerns with the Anita Sarkeesian part. As I have said above, I would avoid one-sentence paragraphs in most cases. The citation is also a bit confusing, as the Eurogamer article does not support the information in the article. I am guessing you are referencing this video that is embedded in the article, but if that is the case, then that should be cited directly. But, regardless of all of that, I do not think this really fits in an article about Leon. This seems more like a criticism of Resident Evil 4 and how Ashley Graham is represented. I think this would fit more into either of those articles, specifically with the latter one. Sarkessian is more so talking about the gameplay involving Ashley rather than anything about Leon.
  • The last paragraph is more organized in my opinion, so I would focus your attention on the previous parts first.

I hope that this helps. As I have said above, there is a lot of great information and sources in this section, so it is more just a matter of revising the prose to be more cohesive and to clarify certain parts. Reception sections are always hard to write, but I think there is a lot of potential here. It may be a good idea to reach out to the editors who have reviewed your past RE articles to get some further feedback on this, as it is always best to get as many different perspectives as possible. Best of luck with it! Aoba47 (talk) 19:41, 11 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! I'll admit that this one is harder to do than Chris Redfield. I need to figure this out first before reaching out irher reviewers. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 22:42, 11 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
That makes sense. It is always good to have a firm grasp on something first. Aoba47 (talk) 23:57, 11 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
@Aoba47 I made the changes and decided to remove the source of Sarkeesian, including the hair source from PCGamesN for being out of place. I am not sure about the verb stuff though. Maybe, I'll let you know first before reaching out to someone. Thank you! 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 06:07, 13 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the ping and for the message. The section looks a lot better to me. Great work with it. I think the hair received enough coverage to briefly mention, but I can also understand the decision to remove it. The only thing that jumps out at me is with Zack of Kotaku noting that Leon is a "cool dude, who always gets the job done", as this sentence structure should be avoided (at least according to a lot of FAC reviewers). I enjoyed reading this article a lot. It makes me want to play one of the older RE games and read up more about the franchise, which is in my opinion the best reaction to this kind of article. Aoba47 (talk) 16:04, 13 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you so much. Hair is too difficult for me to add, so I reach out to my future conom if he knows how do it. I replaced the Kotaku one into IGN. I regret nominating Ethan Winters to FAC immediately as I thought this article is too hard for me to fix it. Oh well, I guess I'll let it run until it last before nominating this one hehe. Yeah, Leon is one of the most popular character in RE, and at least recognizable a little bit outside of RE series. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. Thank you. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 23:12, 13 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]