Langbahn Team – Weltmeisterschaft

Wikipedia:Peer review/Family Moving Day/archive1

Family Moving Day

This peer review discussion has been closed.
While the episode list is being reviewed a third time, I'm thinking that this might be a good article, if nothing else, before this month's over. How close has it come?

(NOTE: This was a "Did you know?" entry back in late February.)

Thanks, Slgrandson (How's my egg-throwing coleslaw?) 02:51, 23 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Resolved comments: Dabomb87

Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs)

  • "Everyone is delighted to go, except Periwinkle, who does not easily conform to new settings." I think "adapt" would be a better word than "conform".
  • "He does not announce the plan until some time later, when the seven members come over to the other side of the hill and have a look at their new property."
  • He even finds his new room, which he will share with brother Dandelion, too large for his liking.
  • The package contains this episode, here entitled "Room to Move," and another one called "Carnival." Logical punctuation fixes needed (quotations should be inside comma/period), and I don't like the tone of this sentence ("here entititled").
  • This animated version stays faithful to the book, but with a few alterations..." "but with"-->except for.
  • Shouldn't this article use international date formatting?
  • What language is current ref 1 in? Dabomb87 (talk) 03:11, 28 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • If this article is using British spelling, then shouldn't "anymore" be "any more"? Dabomb87 (talk) 22:05, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Resolved comments: The Rambling Man
Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)
  • Three paras for lead is too many per WP:LEAD.
  • "La Famille Passiflore déménage" - the cover image says "La famille Passiflore..." i.e. small f for famille - which is it?
  • Gareth Stevens, if worthy, should be stubbed. If not, no red link please.
  • Is it worth saying that passiflore is bellflower?
  • " he disappears from the others' sight" - a bit odd - he makes himself invisible? I'd be more accurate - I assume he runs away, or hides?
  • Perhaps the lead should cover the English and Korean translations?
  • "and have a look" - "have a " is redundant.
  • Merge a couple of the Story paras - right now you have quite a few short paras which makes for slightly stilted reading.
  • "(The series actually debuted with "Slide On", the third in the official show sequence.[2][6])" - I dislike whole sentences in parentheses - if it's worth saying, just say it.
  • TV episode - Television episode.
  • "11-13" - use en-dash.

Hope some of that helps for the GA push. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:36, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Quelle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Peer_review/Family_Moving_Day/archive1