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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Flight Pattern/archive1

Flight Pattern

Flight Pattern (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

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Nominator(s): Z1720 (talk) 20:39, 18 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about a dance performance depicting the plight of a group of refugees. Choreographed by Crystal Pite for The Royal Ballet, it was the first time in 18 years that the ballet company commissioned a work by a woman. If successful, I think this would be English Wikipedia's second featured article about a dance performance, and I would like this to be TFA on World Refugee Day. Your comments and feedback are much appreciated. Z1720 (talk) 20:39, 18 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Support from Tim riley

Just a place holder for now. I hope to look in tomorrow. Tim riley talk 16:10, 21 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

A few minor points on prose:

  • " a one-act contemporary ballet by Canadian choreographer Crystal Pite" – clunky false title. The addition of a definite article will make the desired improvement.
  • "their spines unravelling" – I should think if one's spine unravels one is probably dead. It seems an odd verb to use and I can't quite picture what you are trying to convey.
  • "the couple has lost a child" – but later you use "their" rather than "its" for "the company". Either singular or plural is fine, but I recommend consistency.
  • "with the dancer's fate left ambiguous to the audience" – you might consider omitting the last three words. To whom else would it be ambiguous?
  • "masterfully layored" – what?
  • "Reviewers highlighted the 18-year gap since the Royal Ballet commissioned work from a female choreographer" – this is bound to pique your readers' interest and it would be a kindness to add an explanatory footnote saying who the previous one was and giving the name of her work.
  • Many sources mention the 18-year gap, but none mention who the last choreographer was. I'm scared that trying to do this research myself would results in WP:OR so, unless someone can find a source that mentions the last choreographer, I might be stuck. Z1720 (talk) 15:46, 22 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the company often performs in their repertoire" – this lurches between singular and plural: either "the company often performs in its repertoire" or "the company often perform in their repertoire".

My only point about the substance of the article is that you don't mention the conductor (Koen Kessels) or the soprano soloist (Francesca Chiejina) who took part in the première. You mention the costumier, set designer and lighting designer (or unlighting designer to judge from the Royal Ballet's YouTube video) and it seems wrong to overlook the musical performers. The 2019 revival had the same singer but a different conductor, but I don't think it is necessary to mention that.

I hope these few comments are of use. Tim riley talk 13:04, 22 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Afterthought: in the opening line is it relevant to mention Pite's nationality? Tim riley talk 13:30, 22 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Tim riley: Comments above. Thanks for the review, and let me know if there's anything else to address. Z1720 (talk) 15:46, 22 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

After a final read-through I'm happy to support the promotion of this article to FA. It is clear, a good read, seems neutral and balanced, is well and widely referenced (with some heavyweight sources as well as press coverage) nicely illustrated and meets all the FA criteria in my book. The false title is still in the lead but I do not press the point. I look forward to seeing the article on our front page. Tim riley talk 18:03, 23 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Placeholder

This seems an interesting subject! On first glance though can you let me know why you do not link the publications in the references? Ippantekina (talk) 02:48, 25 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Ippantekina: I was worried about a WP:SEAOFBLUE with the article title and the archived link. Z1720 (talk) 17:57, 25 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Support from MSincccc

Lead
  • Flight Pattern is a contemporary ballet by the choreographer Crystal Pite,... "Choreographer" could be de-linked here as most occupations are. The "the" ensures that there are no false titles.
  • by the dancers Marcelino Sambé and Kristen McNally. Again, to avoid false titles.
Critical reviews
  • Reviewers differed on the emotional impact of the piece: some thought it was impactful[21][25] and that the choreography avoided abstract and metaphorical movement to a positive effect.[8] Others felt the choreography was simplistic and sanitised,[20] melodramatic,[7] or lacked the depth of her previous work.[5] Sambé's performance was "exuded fluency These two sentences could be merged or rephrased, as you prefer.
  • Luke Jennings, writing for The Guardian,... Dropped the "when".
  • Kat Lister stated in The Independent that the performance at Royal Opera House,... The newspaper's name could be linked here.
Performances
  • succeeding the Belgian choreographer Sidi Larbi Cherkaoui's Medusa... Finer version which also avoids false titles.
MSincccc (talk) 18:24, 29 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Quelle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/Flight_Pattern/archive1