Welcome to User:Ardonik/I ate my cat. You couldn't possibly be in a more obscure corner of the World Wide Web right now.

I'm using this page to record translations of the English phrase "I ate my cat" in (hopefully) every written language ever conceived by man. You can help by adding to the table right now! In fact, I won't really mind if you edit the rest of this page as long as the result looks good. This is a Wiki, be bold and all that.

As part of my Master Plan, I've had a page like this in mind for a long time now. However, I thought that it would take several years to do the research, make the phone calls, and send the e-mails required to complete this list. But then, suddenly, I discovered this addictive little thing called Wikipedia, already populated by hundreds of thousands of users. Before long, I realized that out of all these Wikipedians, someone, somewhere had to know how to translate "I ate my cat" into any given language. Are you that someone?

Now you're going to ask me what my Master Plan is all about. I conceived it as a contingency and survival plan; it answers the question "what would you do if you were teleported, without food, money, or any contact information, into the middle of a strange foreign land?" The Master Plan calls for the following procedure:

1. The subject places his pants atop his head.
2. The subject (having memorized the following table) yells "I ate my cat," appropriately translated, in his loudest voice, preferably in the direction of authority figures.
3. The police (or the foreign land's equivalent) arrest the subject for disruption and detain him, either in
   1. An asylum for the mentally ill (best case),
   2. A jail (not so good),
   3. A prison (quite bad), or
   4. A dungeon (worst case.)
4. Regardless of the place of incarceration, the subject now has access to free food and water (though the precise proportions will be at the whim of the authority figures — admittedly, a flaw in the Master Plan, but not a huge one.)
5. The Americans, having learned about the subject's detention, will clamor for his release — or at least for his extradition so he can be tried on American soil.
6. The President of the United States will sign the instruments granting aforesaid release, stating officiously that "it was all a big misunderstanding."
7. The subject will be returned to American soil whilst cheering crowds wave the good old red, white, and blue. After a memorable parade, the subject will get a chance to shake the President's hand amid streaming confetti and glorious military marching band tunes.
8. (Optional) The subject is tried on American soil for domestic disturbances abroad.
9. (Optional) Movie deal, or jailtime followed by a movie deal.

There are a few kinks in the plan, but overall, I feel that it is a sound one.

For languages where the sex of the cat is important, you may assume that the cat is a tom (that is, a male cat), though the sex of the cat being eaten has no bearing on my Master Plan.