Langbahn Team – Weltmeisterschaft

Talk:The Box (Fringe)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs · count) 20:39, 21 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]


  • "Her first case on the team is at a house at Milton, Massachusetts; though it appears to have been a robbery, with the family tied up and two thieves having dug a hole in the basement, all the people are dead having been put into some vegetative state." - that sentence is rather long. Could you split it up? Also, the "all the people are dead having been..." seems kinda clunky and dragging.
  • "Walter comes to determine" - redundant - why not just "Walter determines"?
  • For someone who doesn't know the series, they may be confused at the importance of the place known as Massive Dynamics. The rest of the plot summary does a decent job at explaining people in an out-of-series point of view, with the exception of MD.
  • You should mention in the plot who plays each character. I believe that is the standard for TV shows. That would at least provide some context when you mention Eric the Midget.
  • In production, what was the stunt that Anna Torv didn't want to do?
  • The "It's really neat!" part of the quote feels kinda out of place, like someone serving hot dogs at a fancy restaurant.

All in all, a good read and a fun recap of an episode I hadn't seen in almost a year. C'mon season 4!!! Oh... yea, just the above things, then I'll be happy to pass. Lemme know when you're done. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 20:39, 21 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll address these sometime tomorrow (no time currently). Thanks very much for the review! Ruby comment! 04:47, 22 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]