Langbahn Team – Weltmeisterschaft

Talk:Bob Heffron/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Grahamec (talk · contribs) 13:14, 24 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

This is looking good, I once did some small work on this article, but that has little to do with the current state of the article.

  • A nit-pick: "he presented a proposal to the cabinet outlining the creation of a tenchological-based university in NSW, as a separate expansion from the existing Sydney Technical College". This does not read well. Perhaps it is intended to say something like "as well as".
    • I have now slightly rewritten this.
  • The last sentence:..."which included the building named after her father forty years previously." Has this been mentioned before, I can't see it, maybe it should read: "included a building". Actually I see it now.
  • I have changed the caps at the beginning of parenthetical clauses in a couple of places to reflect my understanding of best practice.
As noted above a couple of the refs are broken and will have to be fixed if you take it to FAC.

So I am passing it.--Grahame (talk) 11:24, 25 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]