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Birds
Common Bird (Flybirdus vulgaris)
Scientific classification
Kingdom:	Animalia
Phylum:	Chordata
(unranked):	Sarcopterygii
Superclass:	Tetrapoda
Class:	Birdidae
Orders
Many - see text

Bird classification is the process of identifying birds into classes.

There are several orders of class Birdidae. The systematics of this taxon are most complex, and bemuse anyone but the most committed and knowledgable birdologist.

A simplified classification tree follows:

(order Flybirdia)

These are the most common bird group. They are found in the air, although one occasionally sees them on the ground due to a frequently occurring medical condition generally of brief duration known as wing cramp or pterostasis . Only one species is known to be immune from pterostasis: the Swift (Flybirdus peterpanii).

(order Arboravia)

These are also commonly seen members of the Birdidae and can usually be recognised due to their predilection for tree-rich habitats. Their habits usually consist of sitting on branches, defecating from them onto nearby objects (people, cars, etc.) and the occasional flapping of wings without moving anywhere.

However, one must be careful to ensure that a suspected tree bird is not in fact an air bird which was suffering from wing cramp whilst flying over a tree, and thereby momentarily placed itself in the wrong environment. If this eventuation is thought likely, a generally failsafe test is to throw the suspected air bird upwards and watch its movements carefully: if it remains in the air habitat, then one can safely assume that it is a bona fide air bird. Tree birds can hybridize with air birds, and the result is a bird that usually hovers in the air surrounding a tree.

Belonging to this order are the numerous Little Boring Grayish Birds (Family Vulgarobirdus), the scourge of birdwatchers everywhere. The family contains exactly one species, Microbirdus ennui, with 2,369 subspecies.

In a fascinating example of evolution at work, birds of this order have evolved the capability to utilize new habitats, giving rise for example to the Telephone Wire Bird (Cablobirdus mabellii).

(order Aquabirdia)

Water Birds are subdivided into several subgenera:

(genus Boadecea)

Found on or by the sea. Closely related to air birds, they can sometimes be found in the air directly above the sea. Such species have been dubbed "Sea-Air birds" by some birdologists.

(genus Avielakeius)

These are found on or in the direct vicinity of lakes. A common example of an Avielakeian is the duck (Avielakeius quackkus) and its close relative, the goose (Avielakeius honkomuchus). Lake birds generally feed on a diet of water and crusty bread, although some species have been known to take cigarette ends.

(genus Flavescobirdus)

Found in or near flowing inland waters, the best example of this group is the swan, Flavescobirdus albocorpus.

The River Phoenix, Flavescobirdus flammabilis, is believed to be the result of hybridization between River Birds and Fire Birds.

(order Terrabirdia)

These are also commonly seen members of the Birdidae and can usually be recognised due to their predilection for ground rather than arboreal habitats. Their habits usually consist of sitting on the ground, eating table scraps and other sorts of trash, and the occasional flapping of wings without moving anywhere.

However, one must be careful to ensure that a suspected ground bird is not in fact an air bird which was suffering from wing cramp whilst flying overhead, and thereby momentarily placed itself in the wrong environment, or a tree bird which for some reason fell from its arboreal habitat. If this eventuation is thought likely, a generally failsafe test is to throw the suspected air bird or tree bird upwards and watch its movements carefully: if it remains in the air habitat or moves quickly to an arboreal habitat, it is safe to assume it is not a ground bird. Ground birds are not closely related to ground beef.

(genus Grumubirdia)

Hill birds are found mostly in the hills of Northeastern India. Though there are varieties of hill bird in other areas, they are certainly most common there.

(genus Montebirdia)

Mountain birds are found exclusively in Nepal and Bhutan. They are peculiar in that their activities consist almost exclusively of defecating on unsuspecting sherpas and yaks.

(genus Pulvavia)

Sand birds, the oddball cousins-twice-removed of the order, are native to the Sahara desert. Not well known to experts, much about them still remains a mystery. Since there is no vegetation in the Sahara, it is generally believed that sand birds feed exclusively on sand with the occasional snack of the most unfortunate lost tourist.

(genus tuberavia)

Almost nothing is known about potato birds because their mimicry makes them hard to tell apart from real potatoes. They are generally thought to have originated from Idaho. There is some debate on whether or not they even exist, with a few birdologists claiming that they are actually just normal potatoes.

Related to tree birds, the Owl (Hootibirdus swivelocapitus) is probably the best known example of this order. They are easily recognised by their distinctive hooting sound, which is for the purpose of courtship, to wit, to woo.

Night birds are also known as Nocturnal birds, a term derived from the Latin "nox", meaning "night", and "urna", meaning "jar", hence, Nightjar.

Many other bird genera and subgenera exist, and some are very hard to differentiate, even for the most experienced birdologist. Hybridisation also takes place; for example, it is thought that the Common Statue bird (Templobirdus vulgaris) has interbred very much with the Common Pigeon (Urbobirdus shittalottus), resulting in the bird variety commonly seen in London.

Of course, biodiversity is greater in tropical climates, and the tropics boast a far greater variety of bird types; for example:

• Buffalo birds from the African savannah
• Oil birds from the Persian Gulf.
• Nasty Dictator birds (genus Saddavis) have also been spotted from that area, although S. massdestructionis var. weaponii has been conspicuously absent in recent times, due to habitat destruction. Recently, the United States of America launched a campaign to bring about their extinction, with great success.
• A related genus Nasty Dictator birds II (genus Grand) have been spotted to the East and are remarkably similar. G. ayatollus khamenei var. massdestructionis nucleii is the supreme variety.
• Another related genus Nasty Dictator birds III is also common in the Gulf and North African regions, yet despite sharing many similarities with types I and II, they seem to be immune from US efforts at eradication. Housus saudiis var. majorusarms clientus and hosnii mubarakus var. puppetus are two common types. A very interesting type is the muammarus gaddafii which has recently evolved from type I to to type III, which is the opposite process scientists observed in relation to S. massdestructionis var. weaponii.
• Yet another related genus, Nasty Dictator Birds -I (genus Naziius), previously inhabited Western Europe and the Americas, but the European species (Naziius hitlerus), has been extinct since 1945, and the North American species, Naziius antinigrus, is critically endangered. However, the South American species (Naziius killothersicus) yet thrives.
• It is also to be noticed that the "Big Bird" indigenous to the area known as "Sesame Street" has not been given a proper phylum or species, due to the fact that only one has ever been seen at one time. This has caused debate that it may only be a genetic mutation, perhaps a harmful one. The US government has recently received a bill to pass a vote on to eliminate any and all "Big Birds" that should arise.
• As of 1993 there's been a great influx of Anthropomorphic birds (Furrvious amorous). Their oirigin is unknown, but most birdologists theorize it's connected with the release of Star Fox (1993 video game) which features Falco Lombardi. Anthropomorphic birds can most commonly be found at Furry conventions and on Fur Affinity. This species is classified as endangered due to the high intensity of Homosexuality all throughout it, which - while objectively very hot - puts them in great danger.

The second decade (2010-2019) of the 21st century was met with the reintroduction of the multiple critically endangered species that are commonly referred to as the Angry Birds, these species are part of the Aviratus genus and are known to be incredibly aggressive towards any mammals that belong to the Suidae, specifically towards the Alaskan Bad Piggies (Sus malus alaskus) and the Common Bad Piggies (Sus malus). The species of the genus Aviratus comprise of many birds that seem to have developed convergent evolution with many similar common species of birds such Cardinalis cardinalis, Sialia sialis, Serinus canaria, Gavia immer, Gallus gallus domesticus, Aulacorhynchus prasinus, Buteo jamaicensis, Icterus pectoralis, Eolophus roseicapilla and Haliaeetus Washingtoniensus. As a result, the genus names of these birds that the angry birds often impersonate are generally implemented alongside their binominal nomenclature (i.e the Red-bird's binominal nomenclature is Aviratus cardinalis.) Unfortunately, The efforts of maintaining the populations of these birds has been neglected by the wildlife department of Rovio company. This has led the IUCN has listed the entire genus as critically endangered and has thus revoked the privileges of Rovio Entertainment's wildlife department.

Aviratus cardinalis, more commonly known as the Red-bird, is a species of Angry bird endemic to most of the Birdie archipelago. It can also be found in northern Alaska, where it often hunts the said Alaskan Bad Piggies (Sus malus alaskus) during the nesting period of its migratory season. The Red-bird is a large songbird/seabird with a body length of 61–68 cm (24–26.7 in). It has a distinctive pair of red feathers on the head and a lighter peach-coloured belly. Its face is littered with the well known dark crimson spots that cross throughout the majority of the head. The male is a vibrant red, while the female is more crimson, making the iconic crimson spots almost impossible to distinguish. The Red-bird has had almost all of its limbs, with the exception of its wings, atrophied to a vestigial state and relies on the powerful muscles on its belly to help propel itself via hopping. The Red-bird often achieves flight by hopping off of a large structure such as a cliffside. The Red-bird is mainly granivorous, but is known to switch to a carnivourus diet that consists of insects, piglets and adolescent hogs when having migrated to Northern Alaska. The male behaves territorially, marking out his territory with song and sticks and building nests on thick cliffside bushes during the migratory season. During courtship, the male feeds seed to the female beak-to-beak. A clutch of three to four eggs is laid every fifth migratory year. The eggs are never left from the protection of the Red-bird, as it often does not leave the vicinity of the nest. This can be tied to the bird's excessive aggressive behaviour towards other animals, primarily those that comprise of the genus Suidae. Although not confirmed, it is suspected that this aggression might have been developed due to the population boom that Alaskan Bad Piggies have during the Angry bird migratory season, which leads to the young Bad Piggie piglets often scavenging and consuming Red-bird eggs. This often leads to retaliatory attacks by flocks of these birds, which band together to hunt down adolescent pigs of the Alaskan Bad Piggies species.

Traditionally, birdologists have confined their studies to those species that live on or near the surface of Earth. However, birds exist throughout the observable universe, and astrobirdologists are now beginning to document the little that is currently known about the different kinds of non-planetary birds.

(order Heliobirdia)

These inhabit the surface of the Sun, and other stars of similar spectral class. They feed almost exclusively on helium, and have evolved feathers able to withstand temperatures of 8,000 Kelvin. In a fascinating example of stellar-avian symbiosis, it is thought that the accumulation of their droppings in the stellar core inhibits supernova activity.

Some astrobirdologists refer to these birds as Solar Birds, however this usage is best avoided, since it risks confusion with photovoltaic or solar-powered birds.

(order Vacuobirdia)

These come in two types: Matter Birds and Antimatter Birds. The two forms cannot hybridise, any attempt to do so resulting in the instant annihilation of both birds. It is unknown whether Galactica magnumavis is a matter or antimatter bird.

However, in cases where a medium-sized antimatter bird attempts to mate with a slightly larger matter bird, a small quantity of matter may remain, and it is postulated that this may have been how some of the smaller planetary species, such as wrens, were originally formed.

Astrobirdologists have postulated a third form, Dark Matter Birds, which, if true, would go a long way towards explaining some of the physical universe's conundra. However, as of 2011 it has not been conclusively proven that dark matter takes the form of birds.