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This review is transcluded from Talk:Cyclone Clotilda/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 02:55, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

• "Cyclone Clotilda was a fairly weak but destructive tropical cyclone that inundated Réunion" - 70 mph isn't that weak.
  • Removed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "A tropical disturbance first formed on February 9 and slowly intensified thereafter." - where? Say this as well in the MH.
  • Added a distance in the MH. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • You didn't say where from. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • "where from"? I gave a distance. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• Make sure you use metric units first in the article.
  • I do. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • No it's not. It's inconsistent as it is. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • It was one instance. Fixed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • It was two, you're still missing one : P Hurricanehink mobile (talk) 17:14, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
          • Should be fixed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane}
• "Pulling away from Reunion, it began to weaken." - you had never said it was near Réunion. Also, make sure it's Réunion.
  • Added. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Make sure every instance is Réunion. That is the proper name for that location. It'd be like calling New York "Newyork" or something. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • I wish there was a bot that could do this :P But I fixed it during the instances I saw them. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 15:14, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • Infobox. Hurricanehink mobile (talk) 17:14, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
          • Oh, I never pay attention to infoboxes :P so I never noticed it. Anyhow, fixed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane}
• So the lede says that the storm strengthened, weakened, strengthened, weakened, strengthened, and weakened again. There's gotta be a better way of saying that. I'd personally get rid of the first mention, since the intensity difference was so minimal. Perhaps just say something like "the intensity fluctuated", or something.
  •  Done. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Please take more care when you address issues. It now reads " the storm fluctuated in intensity reached its peak intensity ". ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • Fixed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "By February 21, meteorologists were no longer watching Clotilda." - not quite sure what that means, but the Infobox says Feb. 22
  • Corrected and re-worded. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • The "at last" doesn't work here. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • No such wording existed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• Link La Plaine-des-Palmistes to La Plaine-des-Palmistes
  •  Done. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 15:14, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "rainfall totals frequently exceeded the totals measured during Cyclone Hyacinthe" - Here is where more specificity would be good. Hyacinthe was the wettest storm on record, so you should clarify that some locations observed higher totals.
  • Switched to occasionally. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Not a helpful switch. "occasionally" doesn't work here. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • Disagreed. "Occasionally" does not mean all the totals were greater. I think I know what you want, added the Hyachinthe's peak's were greater. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "Furthermore, about 250 boxes were damaged and roughly 120 boxes were destroyed." - just, plain boxes?
  • Yea. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • No, that doesn't work. Find out what sort of boxes. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • I Do not know. Yes, it does work. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • No, it doesn't. Why would box make sense? I recommend using this source - [1], and look up the original "case" in French and see what it means. You'll see it makes more sense. Hurricanehink mobile (talk) 17:14, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • Your link does not work "search argument not specified". I think Google Translate might be wrong here, sorta like Talk:Cyclone Kalunde/GA1. However, this does not help. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 18:05, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
          • Look up "cases". It means "small house" :P Hurricanehink mobile (talk) 18:59, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
            • Changed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 19:17, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "(two others were left missing)" - what happened to them?
  • Idk. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Can you find out? USAID definitely says only 10 deaths as of 1993. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)'[reply]
      • Why would we know? I don't. If I did, I would have included it in the article. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • I mean, the USAID sources suggests the missing people weren't counted in the death toll. I'd say something along those lines (there were 2 missing, but a USAID document from 1993 indicated did not include them). Hurricanehink mobile (talk) 17:14, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • Eh, the source that the two missing ppl says 7 ppl died during the storm, so I think they were eventually included in the 10 death total. I removed the 2 ppl missing. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 18:05, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "In addition to the destructing on Reunion, 5% of crops on Mauritius was impacted by the storm." - grammar (times two)
  • Fixed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• " During the aftermath of the cyclone, 1,000 people were evacuated to shelters." - where?
  • Added. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "Cyclone Clotilda originated from a tropical disturbance that was first warned on by Météo-France's (MFR) meteorological office at Réunion at 0600 UTC on February 9." - bit of a runon. When you add the location, please rewrite. Try using some better phrasing, including commas.
  • I tried, but I think it's worse now. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • See the comment I said earlier about this sentence. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • Split up. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• I'd pipe "moderate tropical storm" to South-west Indian Ocean in that link.
  • Hopefully the pipe did not break. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "MFR reportedly" - why "reportedly?
  • It has been removed out of the article and thrown out the window. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "Simultaneously, the Joint Typhoon Warning Center (JTWC) designated the system as a tropical depression." - it'd be good to have an exact date here.
  • Eh, the JTWC is unoffical. 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)
    • And? An exact date would be good. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • Haha, I actually added it even though I said otherwise. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "held on to its respective intensity" - I like what you're trying to do here, but it doesn't quite work. I'd say either do "held onto their respective intensity estimates" or "held onto its intensity."
  • The latter works. 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)
• It'd be great to see how close it got to Reunion (use the lat/lon distance calculator if you have to).
• You should either add a note, explaining that JTWC uses 1-min and MFR uses 10-min, or clarify each time.
  • Good idea. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• The last motion you mention was Clotilda's turn to the west, but this shows that it turned to the south and southeast.
  • Added. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "60 mph (97 km/h) " round
  •  Done. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "resulting in devastation" - unnecessarily dramatic and vague
  • Removed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "Many roads were damaged. " - pretty dumpy/short sentence.
  • Fixed. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "Eighty-nine trees were downed during the storm and several buildings were destroyed." - what do trees have to do with houses?
  • Moved. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• "winds of 170 km/h (110 mph) were measured in the capital" - were those exact winds measured? Not estimated? And gusts or sustained?
  • Not sure tbh, that's why I left it the way it was. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Well, look at what the official sustained winds were. I think it's safe to assume they were gusts. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Okay. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 15:14, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• " the coastal areas of Mauritius was lashed" - grammar
• " In all, damage from the storm totaled $2 million (1987 USD)." - why 1987 USD? And the lede said this total was for Reunion. The article could benefit from having the Maurituis paragraph split off.
  • Split off. 1987 was the year of the storm :P 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)
    • Sorry, I meant the USD aspect. Was it converted? Reunion isn't a US territory. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • It's from EMDAT. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 15:14, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • Thx, that works. Hurricanehink mobile (talk) 17:14, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• The aftermath needs clarity as to which location it refers to.
  • Better? YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Yea. I just noticed - "it took for to five days". Also, I don't think the "1987" is needed in the aftermath bit. BTW, can you try cutting down on the passive voice in the aftermath? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:43, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • • Removed and yea. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 14:34, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

All in all, not a bad short article, but there are some issues. Have fun fixing up. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 02:55, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

• • Thanks for the review. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 03:33, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• I would suggest that this press release from the European Union gets used to cite the 250000 euros rather than the general reference that is used.Jason Rees (talk) 16:25, 31 July 2013 (UTC)'[reply]
  • I don't think it really matters, but  Done. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 16:42, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • The point was that you could link the press release rather than relying on the European Bulletin which wasnt linked and didnt provide any details like volume or issue. While im looking at the article, i find it suspicious that Reunion got two lots of money from the EU in the form of 250000 from the European Commission and an undisclosed amount from the European Investment Bank. I tried looking at the reference and Google and the closest thing i could come to was: "On 18 February the Commission decided to grant 250 000 ECU in emergency aid to victims of Cyclone Clotilda, which swept across the island of Reunion on 13 February. 135 million ECU in loans from the European Investment Bank." via google scholar. So YE can you please provide anything that helps someone understand what the stuff from the European Investment Bank would was.Jason Rees (talk) 17:27, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • I think it meant the same thing. Given what your provided, I removed it. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 18:05, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
• Why is this @ Cyclone Clotilda and not Tropical Storm Clotilda.Jason Rees (talk) 18:01, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Idk. Never noticed that. YE ^{Pacific Hurricane} 18:05, 31 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

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