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This review is transcluded from Talk:Bukit Brown Cemetery/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Nominator: Actuall7 (talk · contribs) 12:24, 14 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Chipmunkdavis (talk · contribs) 09:19, 16 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Starting this review. There is one FA cemetery article and a couple of GA articles which I will be looking at as potential examples. As initial notes, the lead will need some editing, it has some puffery language ("lush vegetation and diverse wildlife") and a few areas where the text jumps around a bit or isn't clear. The lead also currently doesn't cover the Traditional practices section. At a quick look through the body, the sourcing appears comprehensive, aside from two notes. There are other areas copyediting could be used for flow. "Bukit Brown Cemetery" does not need to be in every caption. Looks to be a decent selection of images. CMD (talk) 09:19, 16 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, thanks for taking this up. Actuall7 (talk) 09:47, 16 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Chipmunkdavis, I've edited the lead to include the Traditional practices section and changed some captions. Actuall7 (talk) 01:37, 17 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

As noted above, the prose on this article needs work to meet GACR1a. Some examples:

• "Originally owned by George Henry Brown, he purchased the land on hilly terrain and it became known as Brown's Hill, translated locally to Bukit Brown." This is joining together a few different ideas, and they have mixed a bit confusingly. It must have originally been owned by someone else. The terrain is a separate point to the purchase. The language could be specified instead of just saying "locally".
• "After ownership for the land was passed around" is quite informal language.
• "In 2011, the government designated the area for residential development which was met with backlash from activists and, in 2012, exhumed 3,700 graves to build an 8-lane highway" should be broken up into multiple fuller sentences.
• "These are the main reasons by activists of why Bukit Brown Cemetery should be conserved" is missing some words.
• Etymology has a similar run-on sentence about the initial purchase.
• "Bukit Brown was also the first official location in Singapore to have an English and Malay name." Unclear what an "official location" is here, and the source describes it as a "hybrid Malay and English name", which has a very different meaning.
• Some of the George Henry Brown information is duplicated across Etymology and History.
• "He was known for his interest in music and played the organ at St. Andrew's Cathedral along with purchasing multiple plots of land" is another sentence grouping multiple unrelated ideas together.
• "One such plot was land on a hill, which he called Mount Pleasant and built a cottage on it called Fern Cottage" is run-on sentence which should be split up.
• "Brown sold the land to Mootapa Chitty, a Chettiar, and Lim Chu Yi who later sold the land to three Hokkien Seh Ong Kongsi clan members – Ong Hew Ko, Ong Ewe Hai, and Ong Chong Chew – who, in the 1870s, turned the land into a private cemetery for Chinese people of the Ong clan and became known as the Seh Ong Cemetery, managed by the Seh Ong Kongsi" is a very long sentence that should be broken up.

These are just examples, there is a need to go through the rest of the article as well. I have noticed an overuse of the word "also". The source I checked above for the English/Malay names also suggests that there may need to be further checking here. I am concerned rewriting and checking might take more than the weekish usually expected at GAN, and I do think it might be worth asking for a WP:GOCE check. Would you have thoughts on the timeline? CMD (talk) 09:34, 18 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the feedback, regarding the timeline, I'm not too worried about how long it'll take. If you're busy, you can take your time, I'm not in a rush. Regarding the prose, I'll fix the problems addressed. Actuall7 (talk) 10:02, 18 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I am not planning to review the entire article in this way, the prose should ideally be fixed prior to review. CMD (talk) 10:49, 18 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, I was unaware that there were so many issues with the prose, don't hesitate to fail the article currently so that I can fix the issues regarding the prose. For what it's worth, I have edited the issues previously mentioned. If possible, do you have any other comments about the article so that I know what I should focus on? Actuall7 (talk) 11:17, 18 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the response, and good luck with the article. Overall it looks quite decent and has a lot of interesting information. There is only one cemetery FA, Oakwood Cemetery (Troy, New York). Currently, this article seems broadly to cover the same topics as that article, and in some cases has a bit more, except for Geography. This could be a section explaining in more detail where the cemetery is, any internal structure to the way the graves are laid out, what is nearby to the cemetery on Mount Pleasant, and how the cemetery intersects with the MRT and road systems which caused parts of it to be damaged. Perhaps File:Aerial photography of Bukit Brown Cemetery.png would help in such a section. Aside from that I like the images. You may be able to ask the kind people at WP:Graphics lab if they can assist with the watermark on File:Chinese temple at Bukit Brown Cemetery.jpg. Best, CMD (talk) 11:48, 18 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comments, I'll make sure to fix these issues before I decide to submit it for GA again. Actuall7 (talk) 11:55, 18 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]